MIMI’S CORNER: Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Have you ever started to say something and smack-dab in the middle of it had the feeling that you should just say, “Never mind,” and go away? Did you say, “Never mind,” and go away, or did you jump right in there, feet first, say it anyway and then feel like a total fool afterwards?

Me? Heck, yeah. Been there, done that, more times than I can remember.

Here’s an example. My husband, let’s call him Patrick, played softball on a few adult teams, evenings and weekends. During one game, there was one of those unfortunate situations where two outfielders, one of them Patrick, were going after the same fly ball. As you can guess, no one called it, and they collided, with Patrick getting the worst of it. The damage was a fractured shoulder blade, broken glasses and a chipped tooth. A teammate, let’s call him Gary, took him to the hospital where an Xray told the tale, a sling was applied to the affected arm, and a pain pill given to Patrick, now the former left fielder of the team. Instructions were given to follow up with our family doctor ASAP.

This we did, seeing our doctor, let’s call him Dr. Cappy, the next day. He checked the Xray, asked a few questions and gave Patrick a prescription for a few more pain pills. Here’s where I should have kept my trap shut. I had the right to remain silent, but I didn’t have the ability, to borrow from comedian Ron White. I stupidly asked the doc, "Will Patrick be able to play the piano when his shoulder heals?” My better angel sitting on my right shoulder said, “Stop! Right now!” However, the little devil sitting on my left shoulder said, “Go for it! Give the doc something to laugh at!” 

Of course, as you can guess, the doc says, “Sure he will.” Whereupon, I listened to the devil and said, almost immediately regretting it, “That’s strange. He never could before.” Silence, painful silence. The doctor turned and looked at me like I had three heads or something. My husband turned and looked at me like he wanted to throw me out the window. 

Sometimes you just have to stand there and take it, pretending that it was a perfectly rational statement to make. Smile and just get out of Dodge. It’s not that hard to change doctors.